


Yellow

by MellMellMell



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Comfort, Grief, Loss, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:42:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8170328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellMellMell/pseuds/MellMellMell
Summary: It was a yellow day, like the dress she had been found in. Like her hair when she had come back. And that was how he would always remember her. Bright. Fun. Supportive. He only wished he had spent more time with her, but like Robert said, life was life, and they couldn't change it. 

 
 
A little something to add to the fics about Hollys passing. Aaron's sits at the graveyard, thinking about Holly, and about Robert, and about life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I got this in my head last night as I was trying to sleep, this scene kept playing, and I thought I would write it down. I hope you like it. I guess like everyone, I'm just trying to process what happened. I mean I'm still in shock. I guess it proves how much fiction can mean to people, and just how great Emmerdale is.

The sun was shining over Emmerdale. It wasn't an autumn sunshine, like you would expect this time of year. More like a mid-spring day. The sun was shining through the trees that were still surprisingly green, and the birds were singing in them. As Aaron sat on a bench, over-looking the graveyard, he was glad. 

Bright, easy, with a carefree sort of feel. It made him feel calm. Which, on the funeral day of his friend, he hadn't expected. 

But that was how he planned to remember Holly. Bright, easy, carefree. Like she had been when he first met her. Not the way she had ended up. Not alone, and cold, and possibly scared. 

It was a yellow day, like the dress she had been found in. Like her hair when she had come back. And that was how he would always remember her. Bright. Fun. Supportive. He only wished he had spent more time with her, but like Robert said, life was life, and they couldn't change it. 

A soft hello broke him from his thoughts, and he couldn't help but smile at the other blonde who stood before him. 

"Hey,", he answered quietly, leaning against his boyfriend when he sat beside him. 

They sat like this, quiet, peaceful almost, for a while. He knew Robert would be thinking along a similar line as him, that they knew far too many people buried here. Roberts parents. Jackson. Val. And now Holly. 

His Holly. Not that she had ever really been that. But she was kind, when he eventually came out. Understanding. Never embarrassed by it. She was so like Adam in that respect. And he would never see her again. She would never laugh at him, or roll her eyes, or laugh at him and Robert when they were bickering on the field. 

He hadn't spent much time with her, but he had spent some. Himself and Robert had helped on the farm, with her and Adam, before it all went pearshaped. Before the incident with Vic and van had come out. He had hoped she'd like him. She did. Thought he was a bit full of himself, and that he was annoying but _"he sure makes up for it with that face"_ , she had laughed. He had laughed too. Then he thrown his arm around her shoulders and walked her back to the house. That had been a day like today. A yellow day. 

It reminded him of being young. When he had first arrived in the village, when he was an angry, scared and broken little boy. But with Holly, Adam and Vic he had felt happiness for the first time in a long time. Sure he was dealing with his sexuality, and the memories of Gordon. But they had made him feel young for the first time since he was eight, and he would always appreciate that. 

He felt Robert stir beside him, and when he turned his head to look at him, he was overwhelmed by how much he loved him. 

He was beautiful. And kind, when he wanted to be. He was supportive, understanding, and made him feel like he wasn't just what life had thrown at him. That he was Aaron. His Aaron. Loved. And he was grateful for that too. 

"Hey,", said Robert quietly, looking at him with careful eyes. 

"Hey,", he answered again, "I feel like we already did this,"

Robert smiled softly at him, giving him a quick kiss to his head. 

"How were Adam and Vic?", he asked Robert. 

"Fine,", he said, looking over the graveyard again, "well as fine as they can be,", he added. 

Aaron just nodded, he knew what he meant. 

"We've all done this too many times," started Robert, not looking at Aaron, but at the scene in front of him, "buried people before their time. I can't help think about mum, and how suddenly she was gone. It's not right,"

"I know,", was all Aaron really had to say, but after a pause he added, "I felt the same about Jackson. One minute your just living your life and the next.. it's completely different,"

"Yeah,", 

He looked at Robert again. Really looked at him. He looked smaller than he had in a while. Younger. He had been surprised by how affected he was by Holly's passing. He remembered the first time the had been alone after he had got back from France. 

***  
_"It's not fair," grunted Aaron, kicking his shoes off and throwing himself on their bed._

_"I know,", agreed Robert,_

_"Do you? You barely even knew Holly! And you said some awful things about her not that long ago!", Aaron half shouted, voice laced with poison._

_"And I won't apologise for that,", rebutted the older man, earning a hard scoff from his boyfriend, "what she did to Vic, just because she's dead doesn't make it right! I was angry, I still am a little, because she's my little sister and I love her. But that doesn't mean I wanted Holly dead, doesn't mean I wanted her gone. Vic was ready to forgive and move on and when she had I would have too,"._

_Aaron wasn't looking at him, but Robert knew he was listening. So he continued._

_"And just because I was angry at her, doesn't mean I'm not sad she's gone. I'm sad for Vic, for Adam and Moira, for you. I know what it's like to lose family suddenly. Hell I know what it's like to lose a sibling, and I'm not talking about Andy being away. I know what it's like to wish you could have done something. I still smell the smoke, every time your mum blows out her candles and I smell that burning smell I'm right there. Sometimes in my sleep I hear her screaming. But I can't change it. It's happened and it's done and you just have to move on."_

_He took a deep breath and sat down heavily on the bed. He felt Aaron move up beside him, lying his head on the older mans shoulder._

_"I'm sorry,", whispered Aaron,_

_"Don't be,", replied Robert quickly, "I know you're upset, I am too. I meant it. I am upset by Holly's death. She's so young, so much life ahead of her. And I would have got passed it. If you can move past all the things I've done then I could have moved past that. I just needed time. But that's gone now. And I wish it wasn't,"_

_He felt Aaron take a deep breath, and wondered if he was taking comfort in him, just like he was taking comfort in the younger man._

_"I know," started Aaron, "me too. I wish I had spent more time with her. I wish I had told her how much she meant to me. I wish I had told her that I cared. Cause I never bothered to tell her, I just stopped talking to her after Vic, because I didn't want to get in the middle. I always thought it would blow over and we would all move on. What is she didn't know Robert? What if she didn't know how much she was loved!"_

_Robert pulled his emotional boyfriend into his chest._

_"She knew Aaron. Of course she did!",_

_"But what if she didn't,", argued Aaron, pulling away from his boyfriend, "I barely saw her since she got back. I should have been there. She was going though all that, with the drugs and the dealer and I never even bothered to ask if she was okay!"_

_"She never bothered to come and ask you how you were, after the trial!", began Robert,_

_"Robert! You can't say that!", exclaimed Aaron, appalled that Robert could talk like that about someone who had just died._

_"Yes I can, let me finish. She never bothered to come and see you, because she had her own thing going on. She didn't come because she was dealing with her problems and you didn't go and see her because you were dealing with yours. But do you doubt that Holly cared about you?"_

_He got it. What Robert was trying to say. So he softly shook his head._

_"Exactly, so don't doubt that Holly knew you cared about her,"_

_"Even if I didn't tell her?"_

_"Yes,", assured Robert quickly, "I mean, you haven't told me that you love me since my wedding day, but I don't doubt that you do. People just know. I know. And Holly knew"._

***

"Robert?"

"Yeah,"

"I'm sorry,", said Aaron quickly,

"What for?", asked a confused Robert. 

"I'm sorry that I haven't told you yet, y'know that-", started the younger man, 

"Don't say it just because you've lost someone, wait till it's right. Till it comes from you,", cut in Robert. 

"But it is right. It was all I could think about today at the funeral. That I never told Holly how much she meant to me, and yes, I agree that she probably knew, like you said, but that doesn't mean I don't wish I had. I mean we have to make some sense out of this, because if not then it's too tragic. And what if what we learn from it is to not let anything hold us back from living our life. I love my life with you, and Liv and if anything happened to me, or you, I would want to know that I told you how I felt. So I'm going to. I love you Robert. And I've been scared to say it because last time you turned me away. But I need to say it. And I need you to hear it. I love you. I love you Robert Sugden."

Robert was lost for words. Overcome with emotion all he could do was pull his boyfriend in for a kiss. It was soft, slow and full of all the emotion of the past few days. It was full of the love they had for each other. The bond they had, that just got stronger. 

"I love you too,", whispered Robert when they finally broke away, foreheads resting against each other, "always".

"I know,"

"I know,".

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to know what you think. It's a subject I have tackled before, and I'd live to know if it came off like it did in my head!


End file.
